the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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