today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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