I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
you never un-have a 4some
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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