You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
