In the future we'll all be gay
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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