Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
