Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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