you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
