she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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