im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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