I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
