does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wish you could order shots online.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
