ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
