We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
