my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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