i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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