watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
