Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
