I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
