Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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