I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
