I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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