laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
