Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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