she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
