Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
