Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
