lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
