i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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