i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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