Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
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Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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