Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
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So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
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The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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