isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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