And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
