Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
