maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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