I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
