I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
