They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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