I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
