vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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