I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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