I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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