i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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