The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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