the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
