Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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