I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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