angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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