I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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