that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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