i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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