Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
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I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
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I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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