***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
