Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
