So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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