Nicole vs. Life
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
