Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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