Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
