Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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