dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
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Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
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He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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