it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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