If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
