sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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