Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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